REVIEW - Black out

By Felix Lowe

Dans Le Noir?
30-31 Clerkenwell Green
020 7253 1100

** (food) **** (concept)

THERE'S something slightly disconcerting about sitting alone in pitch blackness, awaiting my starter while listening to nothing but a disco melody with the beguiling chorus: “I’m like fire, I’m like ice - was born to make love.”

Welcome to Dans Le Noir?, an enlightening restaurant in Clerkenwell where clients and serving staff are united by two things - the inability to use their eyes and listen to decent music.

The concept was born in Paris, where the flagship outlet proved a hit with its discerning and chic clientele. Sombre venues in Moscow, London and Geneva soon followed, although cretinous planning officials ended hopes of a New York diner after insisting on a fluorescent green exit sign in the main room.

You see, Dans le Noir? is not simply dining with the lights off, it is dining in total obscurity. Inside the restaurant, beyond intricate folds of dark curtain, eyes cannot adjust to the gloom as they can when outside even on the most moonless of nights. (A word of warning to frisky couples - there are infrared CCTV cameras, so behave…)

A blind waiter, Ryan, delightfully redolent of hand cream, led me to my table, where I was quick to learn the best ways of pouring water into a glass without causing catastrophe.

Still flummoxed by the music - can fire or ice actually copulate? - I was quickly transferred into a transient world of limitation and baffling dimensions. (Post-prandial chat with the management revealed that the ostensible open space in front of me was actually a wall.)

The food, it must be said, remains a bit of a lottery. Menus are pre-ordered by category (vegetarian, non-fish, non-meat or total surprise) but part of the excitement is precisely in being oblivious to what will turn up on your plate. This is perhaps wise, for had I known that my gristly starter was going to make me retch, I would have stuck to the bread.

My main course, however, was as delicious as it was varied, although I cannot give marks for presentation (or inform you what it was - house rules). Serious foodies may be best advised to steer clear of Dans Le Noir?, for a hefty £39 for three courses (not including wine) reeks of daylight robbery.

But eating is clearly not what it is all about. The most interesting aspect of the restaurant is its darkness, which forces you to observe through senses other than your eyes. While the room gets blacker and vaster, the senses of smell, touch and the power to hear are heightened.

It’s not to everyone’s liking, mind: among the chink of glasses, the dropping of cutlery and the frequent guffaws during my sitting, one couple asked to be led to the exit (where's that damn green sign when you need it?) before their food had even arrived.

Ryan told me it was because they were scared of the dark, but perhaps they simply over-heard comments about that nasty starter - cold veal’s tongue is quite possibly not to everyone’s taste.